


The Days After

by Ishvi



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Hawke & Varric Tethras Friendship, M/M, Warden Carver Hawke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 07:46:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5619148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ishvi/pseuds/Ishvi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-DA2. A bit of insight into the moments of Hawke and companions after leaving Kirkwall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Days After

   What a mess, Hawke thought as his gaze lowered to the ground from his spot on a hard log. His gaze never moved from the ground since he sat there an hour ago. Hawke felt like running, running until no longer he could recognize his surroundings.

   "Hawke," someone sighed next to him but his gaze did not lift up from the ground. "Alaric."  
   "I do not wish to talk right now," he grumbled. "In fact, I want no one talking right now."  
  
   His mind was still reeling from everything that had happened earlier. Orsino transforming in a harvester of all things. Meredith's death because of the red idol. The only question that still was on his mind since the fight had ended was, why? The sorrow he felt at the sight of an Ogre crushing Bethany still fresh on his mind. The memory of his Mother's death, a mere puppet of a mage consumed by his power. The pain he went through when his brother had to go with the Wardens if he wanted to save his life. His life on the line for Kirkwall, a city that may hate him now. That was not enough? He had no home to return to, his lover and companions being wanted people.

   Hawke wondered if he should be still thinking down that path. A path filled with pain, sorrow and disappointment. His throat was itching, a sign that a scream was lodged in it, but if he did scream his lungs may come out. A manifestation of how messed he felt.

   "Hawke you can't keep pushing us away." Varric's voice came again and a flash of annoyance went through Hawke's mind.  
   "Can't I have a moment of silence Varric? or I am not allowed that anymore?," he snapped and he felt like an ass almost as soon as he said it. "I'm sorry," he whispered. He could sense the stare of the rest on him but his gaze did not move from the ground.  
   "Look Waffles." A sob threatened to come out at that. After he asked for a nickname, Varric had only called him that a few times. None of them were happy times.    "I know you are under duress here but we all are, after all, what Blondie did affect us as a whole."  
   "I know, I know." He meaned to say more, to offer words of encouragement, but the second Varric put a hand on Hawke's shoulder his throat closed up.

   Hawke trembled lightly but did nothing to hide it, his body had no strength left. He just wished he could sleep and when he woke up everything would be fine. He missed the times were his father was alive, he missed his father so much and his mother and sweet Bethany.

   Since Varric laid his eyes on Hawke many years ago, he had come to learn everything about him, even the tiniest of quirks. Varric could see that Hawke was not in the right state of mind, not even close. Varric had learnt that since Malcolm Hawke's death, Hawke had to be the man of the house. From that moment he had not let anyone see him being less than fine, even when Leandra died. Hawke had only let Anders and Varric see him cry and mourn, and just for one night.

   No one could say that Varric was a bad friend because the next thing he did was hide Hawke's body as much as possible from the rest. Hawke stopped trembling after a few minutes, his body fell forward until his forehead hit Varric's chest.

   Hawke heard a sigh coming from Varric as he felt Varric draping his arm, the one around his shoulder, around his neck. He continued avoiding the elephant on the room. He needed to question the others about what they wished to do next. He had to think about what to do about Anders or Sebastian's abandonment. Aveline had to go back to her job and he was sure that Fenris and Isabela had plans about travelling. Carver could not be away too long, the Wardens would start looking for him soon. And the Maker could only wonder at that Varric and Merrill had planned to do now that they no longer can go back to Kirkwall, at least not for a few months. He wrapped his arms around Varric's waist, stopping his train of thought about all the mess he had to deal with.

   "Waffles, I don't want to be a killjoy but this is not any of our rooms." Varric said as Hawke rubbed his face against his chest, not caring that to the rest this was a uncommon occurrence. "People are staring."  
   "Have you ever cared about that?"  
   "Never. Yet, I imagine that you do or at least you care about Blondie's feelings." At those words, Hawke peeked around Varric's right side and saw Carver's surprised but disgusted expression, Aveline and her reprimand eyes, Fenris' blank face, Isabela's disbelieving expression, Merrill's faint smile and finally, Anders' hurt expression.

   After a few minutes of silence, he removed himself from Varric's chest and pulled at his hair, ignoring Varric's remarks about not hurting his blond locks because of Blondie, because if he did Varric would not want him anymore. Anders was in the loop about his intimate relationship with Varric, it wasn't sexual but when no one else was around they were always in each other space, Varric gave comfort when Anders could not. Anders was fine with that, Hawke's happiness was one of the most important things to him, but he was feeling a bit left out, he wished for comfort even if he thought he did not deserver it.

   Hawke stood up from the log and arranged his clothing and hair into position, ignoring his discarded armor a few steps from him. He decided to stop the nonsense, this was not the worst he had faced, he was going to get over this one way or another.

   "We have to talk," he called and after a moment of shuffling, everyone was walking towards him. "Secrets was what led us to this, we are going to put all the cards on the table."  
   "What are we going to do? We cannot be on the run forever." Aveline demanded as soon as he finished.  
   "First we have to lay low and see how the consequences of our actions affect Kirkwall. I know you wish to do other things now that our battle against Meredith is over." Hawke saw Varric's smirk of approval and Carver's poor hidden surprise. He was not the Champion of Kirkwall just because of his good looks. "I do not hold it against any of you. You cannot put your lives on hold because of me. I also need Aveline and Carver back at their jobs, I'm sure we are not going to be left alone too long."  
   "What are we going to do about Sebastian? He left talking about revenge." Merrill asked.  
   "He needs time for himself, I'll write to him later." He saw Anders' cringe next to him but ignored it. Now was not the time. "First, we need to set up a camp, we haven't stopped since we left Kirkwall. After that we can talk about our future." As soon as he finished everyone was moving around.

   An hour passed with everyone unpacking their stuff, then setting the camp and putting up a campfire. Carver and Aveline went to hunt and brought meat that was roasted before eating it. After they rested for a few minutes, they decided to go back to the most important topic.

   "Now that we have settled, I need to know what have you decided to do after this."  
   "I want to go back with Aveline, I want to help the elves in Alienage."  
   "I'm going back to the Raiders, I miss the sea already."  
   "I'm going with Isabela for a while then I'll be on my way to deal with people like Danarius." He felt a pang of sadness at their words, he would miss them greatly.  
   "I'm sticking with you, I'm sure you won't mind." Hawke smiled at Varric's words, of all people Varric was one of the few he would never mind.  
   "I'm happy to hear that you all have planed something. You can go rest." Hawke dismissed them.

   Hawke signaled Anders to follow him as he walked away from the camp. They walked a few minutes around the forest in silence. Anders didn't comment about how far they were but wondered if Hawke was thinking about killing him since Meredith was dead and he was needed no longer. He depreciatingly thanked Hawke, at least he was not going to be killed in front of the others.

   After a couple of minutes, Hawke came to stop and turned to face Anders, his expression neutral.

   "I'm not going to ask why you did it, I know why and you gor my support." Anders exhaled at his words, it seemed that his lover would not kill him today. "Nor I'm going to question that you felt that I would go back on my world and kill you." Anders moved forward as if wanting to apologize but Hawke lifted a hand. "Don't. We have things to sort out. I just want to know why did you not tell me?"  
   "I told you before, what if you wanted to join me? Or stop me?"  
   "And you did not stop to wonder what would happen when I found out?" Anders appeared distraught at Hawke's words. "Did you not care about that?" As soon as he finished Anders surged forward and grabbed him by the shirt's collar.  
   "How can you say that? I love you! I also did this for us, we are both mages after all!" Anders cried out.  
   "I love you too Anders but I can't ignore what I feel as a betrayal." Hawke sighed as he wraped his arms around Anders' trembling form.  
   "I'm not sorry for what I did because I would do it again if I had to but I'm sorry that you got hurt."

   Hawke did not answer Anders' apology verbally, maybe it would not lead to them resolving things out, but with a kiss. First, slow and tentative, feeling each other again and expressing themselves through the kiss. Then, demanding and bruising, Anders pressing himself against his lover. Hawke hissed as Anders bit his bottom lip then licked it as an apology, he wished to stake a claim, the display with Varric not forgotten.

   "We should back," Hawke gasped when Anders moved from his mouth to his neck.  
   "Why? They are not going to set the camp on fire or something like that. Aveline would stop them."  
   "Anders, we are mental and emotionally exhausted. We need to rest." Anders sighed at his words but moved away from Hawke.

   Hawke kissed his lover's cheek and interlaced their fingers before walking back to the camp. Ignoring the smirks coming from Varric and Isabela and the stared from the rest, they both got inside the tent that Hawke set up.


End file.
